How To Spend a Weekend (as told by Cali, Mira, and Tansy)
© 2204 by Lu Wyland

Cali:
How to Potty Outside in Snow That is Almost Over Your Head

  1. Avoid all paths your mother kindly shoveled on the grass.
  2. Search for the deepest bank of snow.
  3. Plow into deep bank and squat, effectively burrowing your backside into a fluffy snowbank.
  4. Leap out, bunny like, until you reach the sidewalk.
  5. Laugh at your sister who, with a much longer coat and a catchy but troubled name like oh, say "Mira Deara" has to run out to your spot (gathering up huge clods of snow) so that she can mark over what you did.
  6. Watch Mira lumber out through the shoulder high snow, gathering up the substance until she resembles the beginning of a snow ardvaark.
  7. Laugh like crazy when your mother has to blowdry the snowclods off her coat but not yours cuz you're in a puppy cut.

Tansy Pansy Pants:
How Nap on the Couch

  1. Jump onto couch at the exact moment your two-legged girl is tossing a polar fleece blanket over her legs.
  2. Roll over once so the polar fleece blankets you in the true meaning of the word.
  3. Ignore the "pigs in blankets" comments your two-legged mother who is not at all refined makes when she sees you.
  4. Snore. Loudly.

Mira Deara:
How to Eat a Greenie

  1. Take greenie delicately but enthusiastically from your mother's fingers
  2. Take this treasure and jump onto sofa with it.
  3. Lie flat on the couch with mouth near greenie and watch your sisters chow theirs down on the floor.
  4. Don't eat it.
  5. Don't eat it.
  6. Don't eat it.
  7. Don't eat it.
  8. Don't eat it.
  9. When your sisters are all done eating their greenie, sit up with refined superiority with YOUR greenie in your mouth.
  10. Jump down with greenie in mouth and approach each sister to show them what you have.
  11.  Shove it in their face and snatch it back.
  12.  Shove it in their face and snatch it back.
  13. Shove it in their face and snatch it back.
  14. Say "nah nah nah boo boo" with your body language (cuz if you open your mouth you might loose reason to nah nah).
  15. Enjoy the most delicious greenie in the universe.